Entertaining Junk Mail from GMAIL

Does anybody have any idea why the junk mail on GMAIL is so freakin pathetic and hilarious???????? I love the blatant scams. How stupid do these people think we are????????

Here are some particularly ridiculous examples from the Rostrum Magazine's e-mail account.

The "Urgent and Confidential Request"

- Dear Sir, I feel quite safe dealing with you in this urgent and confidential request having gone through your remarkable profile on the internet. My name is Frank Kofi Nartey Esq., a Solicitor of the Supreme Court of Ghana and an Associate of Hesse & Hesse Commercial Law Firm in Accra-Ghana. An Indian client of mine (Mr. Sankar Nath Mukhopadhyay) who lived here in Ghana with his family, a successful businessman who had financial dealings with many top Politicians in the West African sub-region died accidentally two years ago with his Wife and two Kids. Unfortunately, he did not registered any specific beneficiary to a cash deposit of USD$32M he made with a Security Company. Since this incident, I have made several enquiries to locate any of my late client's relatives to come up for the claim of the said deposit but this has proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives on the Internet to no avail. Thus, I am requesting your assistance to stand as the deceased rightful beneficiary so as to enable us retrieve the deposited funds from the Safe-Keeping Company for both of us to share at the ratio of 70% for me and 30% for you since the deposit now has an open beneficiary mandate. Be rest assured that this business is 100% risk free as all procedures will be legally handled by me. I shall provide all the necessary legal documents that will give you the full legal right to stand for the claim. Your assistance demands the highest trust, security and confidentiality. If you are capable of executing this business with me, kindly get back to me in complete confidence and I shall detail you on the way forward. Yours sincerely, Frank K. Nartey Esq. Supreme Court Solicitor & Ass, Hesse & Hesse Law Firm, No. F459 / 4 Nyaniba Estates, Osu. P.O. Box 0514 Osu, Accra-Ghana. Tel: +233-20-652-2800 (Time Zone-GMT).

We won a contest from Microsoft Corporation Africa!!!! (There's your funding, Anshula :P)

MICROSOFT EMAIL PROMOTION INTERNATIONAL
ELECTRONIC MAIL AWARD WINNING NOTIFICATION
AWARD PRESENTATION CENTER: SOUTH AFRICA

ATTENTION: WINNER,

MICROSOFT COOPERATION MANAGEMENT WORLDWIDE ARE PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE A WINNER OF OUR ANNUAL MS-WORD LOTTO LOTTERY CONDUCTED IN SOUTH AFRICA BEING THE HOST OF THE EVENT FOR THIS PRESENT YEAR MEGA JACKPOT LOTTO WINNING PROGRAMS HELD ON TODAY.
YOUR PERSONAL E-MAIL ADDRESS WAS ATTACHED AS TO DODAY WINNER. WITH SERIAL NUMBER S/N-00168 DREW THE LUCKY NUMBERS 887-13-865-37-10-83, AND CONSEQUENTLY WON IN THE FIRST LOTTERY CATEGORY. YOU HAVE THEREFORE BEEN APPROVED FOR LUMP SUMS OF UK £1,000,000.00(UK£ ONE MILLION POUNDS ) PAYABLE IN CASH CREDITED TO FILE REF NO: MSW-L/200-26937 THIS IS FROM TOTAL PRIZE MONEY OF UK 5,000,000 00, SHARED AMONG THE FIVE (5) LUCKY INTERNATIONAL WINNERS IN FIRST AND SECOND CATEGORY.

ALL PARTICIPANTS WERE SELECTED FROM WORLDWIDE WEBSITES ESPECIALLY MAIL USERS THROUGH OUR MICROSOFT COMPUTER BALLOT SYSTEM DRAWN FROM 3,000 E-MAILS FROM EACH CONTINENT (CANADA, ASIA, AUSTRALIA, UNITED STATE, EUROPE, MIDDLE EAST, AFRICA AND OCEANIA, AS PART OF INTERNATIONAL "E-MAIL" PROMOTIONS PROGRAM, WHICH IS CONDUCTED ANNUALLY FOR OUR PROMINENT MS -WORD USERS ALL OVER THE WORLD, AND TO ENCOURAGE THE USE OF INTERNET AND COMPUTERS WORLDWIDE.

YOUR FUND (CERTIFIED CHEQUE) HAS BEEN INSURED WITH YOUR REF NO: MSW-L/200-26937 AND WILL BE READY FOR DELIVERY. IT WILL BE DELIVERED TO YOU BY ONE OF OUR CLAIM AGENT IN CHARGE OF YOUR ZONE (Mr. Patrick Kaya). YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS SHOULD BE USED IN ALL CORRESPONDENCE WITH YOUR CLAIMS OFFICER, PLEASE NOTE THAT, YOU ARE TO CONTACT YOUR CLAIMS OFFICER VIA EMAIL AS WE ARE PROMOTING THE USE OF E-MAIL. ALSO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CALL HIM TO CONFIRM YOUR WINNINGS, AS HE WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH THE NECESSARY DETAILS ON HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE.

AS PART OF OUR SECURITY PROTOCOL YOU ARE TO QUOTE THIS SECURITY CODE MSW/FEB/XX08 TO YOUR CLAIMING AGENT. THIS IS TO PREVENT SCAM .
PRIZE CLAIM
CLAIMS AGENT OFFICER CONTACT:
Mr. Patrick Kaya
EMAIL:patrickkaya@live.com
24hrs Hotline number:
Pone +27 78 748 3004
Fax +27 86 610 6919
Endeavour to email your claim agent with the required datas below
VERIFICATION AND CLEARANCE FORM
1.FULL NAMES:
2.ADDRESS:
3.SEX:
4.AGE:
5.MARITAL STATUS:
6.OCCUPATION:
7.COUNTRY:
8.TELEPHONE NUMBER:
9.BATCH NUMBER:____________________NUMBER:
10.COMPANY:

MUTUAL PARK JAN SMUTS DRIVE.

REMEMBER, ALL PRIZE MONEY MUST BE CLAIMED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. ALL FUNDS NOT CLAIMED ON OR BEFORE THE FIXED DATE WILL BE RETURNED AS UNCLAIMED AND DONATED TO CHARITY ORGANIZATION IN AFRICA.

NOTE: IN ORDER TO AVOID MISTAKES, PLEASE REMEMBER TO QUOTE YOUR REFERENCE AND BATCH NUMBERS AND YOUR SECURITY CODE OF MSW/FEB/XX06 IN ALL CORRESPONDENCES WITH YOUR CLAIMS OFFICER. DO CONTACT YOUR CLAIMS OFFICER MR. PATRICK KAYA. AT ONCE YOU WILL BE ASKED TO PROVIDE SOME DETAILS TO ENABLE THE OFFICE PROCEED WITH YOUR WINNING CERTIFICATE AND FILE KEEPING.
CONGRATULATIONS, ONCE MORE

Mrs. Neilly Nelson Mrs. Caro Smith
(Co-coordinator). (Secretary)

LOTTERY SPONSORS: CHIEF SPONSORS;
MICROSOFT CORPORATION UK, MICROSOFT CORPORATION AFRICA,

Born Again Christians from the Solomon Islands

Dear Good Friend.

I greet you in the name of the Lord.

I am Mrs.Rita Adams from Solomon Islands. I am married to Mr. williams Adams who worked with our Embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died on the 15th August 2006. We were married for eleven years without a child.

He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.
Ever before his death we were both born again Christians and have sown into many ministries. Since his death I decided not to remarry, but feeling quite lonely if not the Lord who has been my partner and comforter.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of$2.5 Million witha Bank in Cote D lvoire. Presently this money is still in the custody of the Bank in Cote D lvoire.Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Five months due to cancer problem. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church,organization or good person that will utilize this
money the way I am going to instruct herein.

I want a church,organization or good person that willuse this funds to help the orphans, widows and other people that needfinancial assistance.

Using part of this money to provide facilities for God,s work, taking the gospel to greater height is my major reason of donating this funds out.The Bible made us to understand that"Blessed is the hand that giveth".l took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and it had been their wish to see my husband dead in order that they might inherit his wealth since we have no son.

These people are therefore not worthy of this inheritance.This is why I am taking this decision. Meanwhile I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. It is only a sinner who's death is painful I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development and l know that With God all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank in Cote d' lvoire. I will also issue a letter of authorization to the bank that will prove you the present beneficiary of this money.

I also want you to always uplift me in prayer.
My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in truth andfaith, "serving him with all you have, knowing that naked we come and naked we must go" Contact me on the this email address ( rita_aadams29@hotmail.fr ) and any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another good person, church,organization for this same purpose.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein.

Hoping to receive your response immedaitely.

Thanks and Remain blessed in the Lord.

Your Sister in Christ

Mrs.Rita Adams.

I'm Sorry your Father Died, but I don't want your Scam.


FROM: MISS STELLA DAVID.
ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE
BUSINESS ASSISTANCE.

Dear Respectful one,
Permit me to inform you of my desire of going in to business relationship with you. I am Miss Stella David the only Daugther of late Mr. Williams Daivd.My Father was a very wealthy cocoa and Gold merchant in Abidjan , the economic capital of Ivory coast, my Father was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings on a business trip .

my Father died on November 2005 in a private hospital here in Abidjan before his death he secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he lodge the sum of of five million ,five hundred thousand United State Dollars. USD ($5.500,000) left in a prime bank here in Abidjan Cote D'ivoire with my name as the next of kin, so because of the political problem here now that cost the death of many people since 19th september 2002 here cote d'ivoire, then i decided to seek for a foreign partner who will help me in transferring the money out of Africa for investment purpose under his care since i am a girl also ignorant of investment.
He also explained to me that it was because of his wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates. That I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice as to invest the money wisely.

I am honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways:
(1) To provide a bank account into which this money would be transferred to.
(2) To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am only 21 years old also a girl.
(3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit in your country.

More over, i am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your effort/ input after the successful transfer of this fund into your nominated account overseas.

Furthermore, you indicate your option towards assisting me as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within fourteen (14) days, you signify interest to assist me.
Anticipating to hear from you soon.

Thanks and God bless.

Best regards,
Miss Stella David


Any idea why the hell they all come from Africa??????

lmao.